- Know what YOU need and want
- Practice self care
- How am I supposed to take care of myself and others at the same time?
- Accept your limitations
- Start where you are
- Figure out what rest and recharging means to do and DO IT!
- Reframe the situation
- Start with the smallest possible step
- Practice micro-gratitude (what is it about mini/travel sizes of things? Why are we so drawn to miniature versions of the things we love? Is it more manageable?)
- Develop supportive routines, habits and rituals
- How am I supposed to have a self-care routine as a single mom of three kids? (recognize that you likely already have several routines, habits and rituals)
- Prepare for the tough days
Author: Admin
How can I do MORE than just survive my life? How do I create the life I want from the one I have?
- Get curious
- Know what YOU need and want
- How do I know what I need?
- Identify what fills your bucket
- Figure out your non-negotiable and focus on those (eg. My foundations)
- How do I know what I want?
- Identify your values
- How do I know what I need?
- Learn how to give yourself what you need
- Set and keep boundaries
- Give yourself permission to want more
- Set Goals that take you towards what you want
- Focus on the next step
- Get in touch with your vision for your life
- Create Networks of support
- Why do I feel so lonely when I’m surrounded by people?
- How can I connect with people who can support me?
- Is anyone else going through what I’m going through?
- Create small successes for yourself
- Be brave (get comfortable with the fear, listen to what it’s telling you and then move on)
How do I survive my life when I feel like I’m drowning?
How do I survive my life when….?
- Breathe
- Be honest with yourself about the situation you are in
- Within my relationship I feel / What are the signs and symptoms of hypervigilance, chronic stress and burnout? (how I coped when the stress was still chronic; how I recovered from chronic stress; developing a new relationship with stress)
- Know what you can and can’t control within yourself and in your relationships
- Remind yourself of what you know for sure (eg the moments that I was most deeply in crisis there were more questions than anything else. Questions and uncertainties. And yet I knew some things to be true. That might have been my first step towards a gratitude practice.)
How am I going to get through this day?
We all have days like this to varying degrees.
What I’m talking about here is the kind of day that you really don’t know how to get through. The challenges that you are facing feel insurmountable. You’re so far beyond exhausted that you don’t know what day it is. There’s no support anywhere (at least that is how it feels). No one gets it (again, that is how it feels).
But you have no choice. You have to get through this day.
These are the days when my therapist would tell me to dig deeper. And I’d tell her, sometimes politely and sometimes less politely, that I could not possibly dig deeper. I’d hit bedrock. I was as deep as I could go. I had nothing left. Then she’d smile at me and tell me to dig deeper.
And you know what, somehow, I always did. (Those are the moments when I both love and hate your therapist for being right).
It’s been years since I had an entire day that I wasn’t sure I could get through. I’m very mindful and incredibly grateful for that. But there are still LOTS of moments like this in my life. Lots and lots and lots.
Focus on the basics – safety (physical and emotional), shelter, food
Break the day down into the smallest possible steps and moments (focus on the process not the outcome)
Stop what you can stop (some things, thoughts, people, activities, habits are going to have to go)
Keep asking for help until you get it
– What do I do when my partner won’t listen to my concerns?
- Find (and celebrate) the wins
- Practice self-care
- How am I supposed to practice self care when I can’t even go to the bathroom alone?
- Don’t believe everything you think – develop a growth mindset and become aware of ego
- Believe what you know to be true – listen to your intuition
Why this blog?
So the most immediate and obvious answer is that there just aren’t enough blogs out there. I’m filling the void with my thoughts and insights.
No.
Not exactly.
There are SO many people – smart, funny, insightful, witty, brilliant people – who have and who are writing and speaking about so many of the topics that I want to discuss here. This is not the place to come if you are looking for a reinvented wheel.
My intention in writing this blog is three-fold. First, I’m inspired by the Jewish concept of Tikkun Olam (which is often translated as Repairing the World). Like many of you, I’ve been through some shit in my life. Some of the shit that I’ve been through is pretty similar to the shit that many other people are going through right now.
Some of you have it easier than me. Some of you are in more difficult situations than I’ve ever imagined. That’s the way the world works.
We all benefit from being able to connect with someone who understands what we’re going through. Maybe I will be one of those people for you. I’m not saying anything new but I’m saying it from my point of view, based on my lived experiences. That may just be exactly what someone out there needs to hear right now. If my story helps someone else to find some peace with their own story, that’s a step towards Tikkun Olam.
Second, writing helps me. It helps me to organize my thoughts and be mindful of my values and beliefs. Sometimes writing helps me question those values and beliefs so that there can be room for growth. It also reminds me of what I need to do to continue to take good care of myself, stay grounded and live a life that is truly mine.
Third, and please don’t tell my kids this because then they really won’t listen to me, I’m writing this for my kids. What tween or pre-teen wants to listen to messages of hope and inspiration from their parents? Not mine. Other people, maybe. Their mom, nope. I didn’t either when I was a kid. But I also know that some of the stuff I’ve figured out over the years may one day be valuable to them. So I’m writing it down.